Angry heels thumping
the vibrations of her screech
rendered all speechless


 I quit, I quit, I quit.

Just kidding.

 How about "sum up your brainspace" instead? My day has just begun.


The young lovers' moon,
softly stinging birds and bees
forever changed, now

"A sink without dirty dishes, and a clean bathroom."

  Ooof. I thought I went to bed early enough, but at the moment I can't stop yawning. If I was given the opportunity to go back to bed & sleep until 1pm, I'd take it.

 I dreamt of Ireland again. I was sitting on a cliff wall, with my feet tucked under my legs. I was listening to the faint-but-growing-stronger echoes of Uilleann & Scottish bag pipes, playing what sounded like "Roisin Dubh."  The skies were dark & filled with rain. The vegetation was thick, sprawling masses of heather. The air was rich with the scent of salt water & peat. I was a little sad, but smiling. I had a blanket over my shoulders-- a plaid. Predominantly red & green, with thin yellow & blue lines-- and felt like a very soft wool.. Can't remember the pattern very well.

 Groggy, bleah.

 Cheers & All

 CNN & BBC online, as well as my local newspapers (Pioneer Press & Star Tribune) on Sundays. I used to try to get news about Chicago, but I've fallen out of the habit for no apparent reason.
 Speaking of the BBC, today marks the four-year anniversary of the terrible London bombings... 52 people dead & so many, many people injured.

 The United States was still in deep mourning for its own losses on 9/11-- I remember that I was talking to mom on the phone at the time, and  watching the news... I remember the blip that came up, and that I was confused. Then I realized that the reporter was talking about London. I was thinking "Oh, no, no, no, no..." and  crying. 

 When I finally travel to England, I would very much like to see the memorial monument in Hyde Park. 

 One of my favorite bloggers, Southern Brit  (who is currently on tour of the contiMENTAL United States), organized a  "Not Afraid"  Tube challenge after the bombings-- to encourage anyone who could, to ride the entire Tube in one day, to help raise spirits, as well as sponsorship money for the British Red Cross. Brave good man, brave good people.
  
 I simply wonder, not out of a sense of the macabre, but out of true curiosity-- what the smell of the smoke was like... destroyed cement, metal, & flesh.
Not that I would have noticed. Knowing me, I would have been in a bizarre shock-- the kind that you don't notice anything except your own will to live. And then... and to help someone else if you can.

 And now... Time for something else.

 Cheers & All

30 September, 2006: "Smother the Whisperer." I had just ditched my previous blog due to the unwelcome, destructive presence of a couple of readers; the former blog did not have the option to privacy-protect posts. The post was about my feelings about my marriage, at the time. The wheedling is as follows:

 ( The Whining Road ) I am groggy this morning... dreamt of Louisiana's potholes & bayous. Kept on driving into them, but I was so amused at my own foolishness that I was laughing, and laughing very hard.

 Off to make tea & coffee. Yes, I'm having both.

 Cheers  All


 P.S. Kev, where did you go?? Cannot access your blog anymore... as in, I get a blank screen. Wha?

"Damn." Or should have been. Read Southern Brit's woe & put in your 2 cents. Let's rally if we can, yes?
Yes.

Dammit, time for work... fcuking hate it when I'd rather be doing something that I consider to be more important.
 

 Been there, done that, got the divorce decree. My two cents: if it goes out of sync and into the toilet, don't be afraid to heal and start fresh. Well, maybe never mind my two cents.  It's an  El Crappio and not a very useful entry answer, but that's about the it of it.
  I'm actually in a very good mood.
 
  I made chicken with Balti seasoning, a wee bit of spring greens salad mix, a small potato, and a couple margaritas. Yumm.
 I sat outside and read about half of a a cookbook, then tackled a "garden" project. Ahhh. It was so beautiful out, today. I was actually glad that I worked this morning, so I could have the rest of the day to putter about.  
 One of my neighbors thinned out her collection of hostas & left a "free" sign by two huge boxes of them, by the side of the road. Hostas are good. Free is good. I took about 1/4 of them and hollered "Thank You!" just in case anybody was listening.

 I talked to M. for a good hour... always so wonderful to hear her voice. She's one of those people who lifts your spririts just by listening to them talk, about any old thing. Unfortunately, she didn't have much for good news, as far as work goes. They've been having such a bad time... J. is worried about his job, too... they all have kids to worry about. I worry about them.
 In any event, I'll be going up for a gloriously long vacation, starting next Wednesday, after I get off work. I'll have everything set to go for the camp-out on Tuesday, look for the forgotten stuff one more time (like where the Sam Hill is my phone?! @#$ seriously!), and just be ready to load up Weasel on Wednesday, and drive to Pierz. Then I'll decide if I'm too tired to drive up to Duluth (to visit my mom for the first time, at her new place) or not. It's a long drive, and I don't feel like getting lost in the dark or falling asleep at the wheel. We'll see. I'll be gone until Sunday at the soonest, Monday night at the latest. I CAN HARDLY WAIT. I can't remember the last time I had so many days off in a row. Holy Crap! I am gonna have fun! It's been 6 months since I've last seen these guys... I miss them something fierce.
  If I can just find my damned phone, I might use technology & Tweet here & there. Otherwise-- forget about it. I'm gonna be old-school, low-tech, and screw the computer. *sproing, sproing* I'm sooooo excited! 

Let's see-- hmmm, I think that's my lot.

 Cheers & All 


 

 I read this as "mahagony," and was a wee confused. Welcome to 2am crash-outs on a 5:30am rise day, in my neck of the woods.

 Do I believe in monogamy? Well, what kind? Sexual monogamy? Yes, unless one is permanently sheathed in a condom. Wouldn't that just plain look weird?  Hmmm, priapism is also generally considered dangerous. Am I going to whallop those who aren't with me, and who aren't monogamous? I dinna think so. I worry for their health, though.
 
  I am not of the cultural, religious, spiritual, lifestyle  or working class that would look at a long-term relationship or marriage any other way than being monogamous, though. Damned early mornings, where did that thought just go? Ahh, yes.
 My main concern is not  always the "cheating" bit, rather than being disease-free bit, go figure. Who wants crotch rot forever & ever? Not me, thank you very much. Ugh. Plus, if you're gonna be doing that bouncybouncy sproingsproing bit, at the very least take a bath afterwards. I don't want to have no choice but to smell that. Not everyone is sweet as roses. *holds nose & runs away*
 Do I want to know? Probably, so I can whallop you silly with questions you never wanted to answer... 

 Have as many friends as you like. I'm emotionally secure-- you're with me, not them. Just watch the pants.  I'm open-minded, but not that type of free-spirited. Sorry, wrong checkout line.

  So that's that. I think. Somebody please encourage me to get more sleep, next time.

 Time for work. Oooooh, morning. Yikes.

 Cheers & All

How else could I reply but with a sassy: " I shall someday spontaneously combust!"? heh 

YAWN. I'm sleepy. The doofus dog woke me up with his incessant whimper-whining to go out. The little bastage went outside, peed for 2 seconds, sniffed the air a bit, then plopped down on the grass & looked at me as if to say "Uhm, yes? I'm taking time to stop and smell the lawn. Thank you."

Eh, and it's about that time... work beckons.

Cheers & All

  I would last under 30 seconds, due to my disconcerting, annoying, apparently inappropriate, as well as frightening-to-some habit of "hmmmm!-ing" and talking to myself.
  If that didn't count, I could go on indefinitely. I have absolutely nothing to say to anyone-- it's just me babbling, to hear my own voice.  Or not really.

 Oooh, I'm hungry, and I don't know what I'm going to make. I ran out of bread (gasp of horror & dismay), so sunny side up eggs is out, as is bread pudding, French toast, a sammich, etc. What do I have in my fridge? *exits room, peers into fridge*
 Hmmf. I need to go grocery shopping! Beer is good, but I feel like the stereotypical bachelor, with only beer in my fridge. Only I'm not a man, and I was once married. *shakes head* Nevermind, soldiering on...

 I guess I'll toss in some pasta. Easy, and I can take it to work for lunch... *exits once again*
Ahhhh, pasta. I totally cheated and used some jar pasta sauce-- it's a nice cream-based pesto sauce, put out by the local grocery store.  Hmmm. I really feel like a beer. Just a little bit of something with a bite.  *sigh* No, I don't think I'm headed towards something infinitely dangerous, I simply want a beer at a very unconventional (not to mention which, socially unacceptable) hour. Well, fie upon that. I have two hours before I need to start getting ready for work, and a total of three before work starts. I'm having a beer. My Tanzanian can wait... *disappears into kitchen, once again*
 Ahh! Red Stripe it is. This isn't exactly what I was thirsty for, but it will work. I think I wanted an original Leinie's or... another beer & didn't realize it. I don't have any Leinie's, though. I haven't drank or purchased any for at least a year, to my knowledge. I never used to drink beer, just sweets (Kahlua, Bailey's, mead, etc.), vodka, tequila & white wine... but I branched out with Stella Artois a couple of years ago, and the exploration has been slow but lots of fun. So, I guess my nose/tongue/brain association is still developing, too. Kinda like when you have a craving for a certain type of cheese or pickle or BBQ. For whatever reason, the brain has attached significance to it, and the desire to have it follows. When it's the right thing, it's absolute enjoyment & bliss. Well, unless it's a drug, I suppose. Even then, it's registered as a fulfillment, even if it ends up being bad for you. It makes me wonder about things. Oh nooo, here comes the brainpan...
 
 For example, there are pregnant women who suffer from pica (desire to eat non-food things, such as charcoal, paint, chalk, dirt). Nobody seems to know why this happens. What is so elemental that theirr bodies hunger for it? Or, because I've wondered about it forever-- do our brains have long-lost memories of foods that once fulfilled a need of ancestors long gone? What if we have no access to the item, or cannot identify the item? Do we get hungry for something else? Huh. I do believe I've posted my query before... Eh. Just wondering.

 And now... now I realize that I've already been up for 2 3/4 hours, and had no intention of getting up until 15 minutes ago. Pffft. However, 1/2 half of the dishes are done, one bathroom and both toilets are clean, and the laundry is done for the day.  No wonder I wanted a beer (I drank half, and now I'm good)-- I needed fortification!

 Cheers & All

Oct. 15th, 2006

Once upon a time, I was very happy.

Then I got married.

Happily Ever After truly is a fairy tale.

If I can just hang on for about one more year... then I'm gone (or else my brain has gone, and I've decided to bear him a child)."


*post-edit for the umpteenth time* Eh, for whatever reason, I can't make anything else I previously posted stay. It was interesting. I'm just not going to type it for the fifth time. Well, I'll type part of it: got divorced one year and 5 days later, didn't have a kid, and value my personal space & freedom more than ever. That was the gist.

 Feeling mostly crap today. Going to try to go back to bed for an hour or so.

 Cheers & All

*post-post edit* No, this entry actually is fairly important to me, so I'll try again... Listening to the dvd of Depeche Mode's "The Videos 86-98"  and coming to the realization that I probably have the flu, for Lawd's sake. Just because I'm not tossing cookies & my stomach doesn't hurt, doesn't mean I don't have a Bug. Ugh, my gnaester. Everything I eat tastes "off," or amplified (like the bitterness of lettuce & the waxy residue on tomatoes), and it is then, uhh, summarily dismissed from my body shortly thereafter. My sense of smell is just out of whack. No light issues or other signs of migraine... haven't had migraine issues for many, many years-- thank Whoever!  Anyway... My taste in men must have changed over the past 20 years, as Dave Gahan is better looking to me now than 20 years ago. Er, what? Oh yes.

 Continuing on... When I first started LJ, I had in fact been blogging elsewhere for about 6 years, but it had been severely compromised. I didn't make this LJ public for a while-- not until I had obtained the divorce, for most entries. Hmm, most of those entries are still locked, too.
  I am still so very, very glad I didn't think that I could "save" a doomed marriage by having a child, in the end. Lawd, that would have been something. 
 I moved out in May of 2007, after having graduated from my nursing program (which I have yet to pass the Board Exam for, which I don't honestly think I'll do), purchased this heap of a trailer with funds borrowed from my mum (later paid back through the divorce settlement)... and started over. Sort-of. I am very wary of being in a "real" relationship ever again... There are so many things I miss (some more keenly than others, during certain times of the month, ahem), and yet I am fiercely protective of what I choose to do with my time, money, etc. It's a bit disturbing, really. Dysfunctional. It's not that I don't want to be with others (I don't think?), I simply refuse to let others in to a point where normal people could figure out the balance between the need for personal time/space & devotion of time to others properly. 
 Am I making sense? Probably not. Eh. I'm starting to sweat, again. The aches & pains in my shoulders, neck & back are still rather hideous. Ugh. The swelling is a bit less today, but the tingling & odd pins & needles is still present. Hmmm. I have a lovely bottle of Vicodin handy. Maybe it will do something, maybe not. Eh, why bother. I'm fruity enough as it is.

 Hmmm. I have to say that it feels like the energy drain is being moved by something/someone other than myself... Usually I can punt it aside for a few seconds to recharge, but yesterday I might as well have had a cement shoe on, plunging deep into the abyss of dead energy. I could wax poetic & say I was being attacked by an energy vampire, but I don't even know what that is.
 So, whoever's helping today, thank you, but don't work too hard for too long... This has been a very shitty ride, and I don't want you to be exhausted, either. 

 And to shorten up my personal Bucket List: Southern Brit, it would be nice to meet you during the epic "Someday" event. You sound like a person I would hold dear to my heart, if for no other reason than your views on living life to the fullest-- because when you forget about the bullshit & find your own niche-- life-- it's fun! 

 Or supposed to be, when you're not in the brainspace that I'm in. Bleah!

 Off I go again.

 All done, now.  

 

Arianna Sobranie Soleil Izabella Kochtavi Boulanger. 

However, I've already been there, done that, got the new name. Three times!  So that mouthful of a name will have to wait for my next life. Or my 80th birthday. *beams brightly*

 I can see the garbage men scowling at my mountain of trash that I left curbside... This is what happens when a pack rat decides to throw caution & common sense to the wind & tosses what she considers to be rubbish. 
 I'll probably miss the contents of two of those bags. That's OK, I'll most certainly live.

In Other News, my chest feels tight again. I've taken the meds I was supposed to take... I wonder if I have asthma, and the doctors were wrong? Obviously they were wrong about the allergies part. Dur! I hate being my age & realizing I don't recover as fast and as effeciently as ten years ago. *le sigh* Oh Well, soldiering on. I hope this day goes fast... I have a lot to do tonite & tommow night, and not much time to spare.

Cheers & All

 As I work seven days/week, I look forward to the eventual day off (once per month, if it's a holiday, I'm fortunate, or if I ask for the day off) whichever one it is. Inevitably, the majority of it is spent trying to catch up on everyday tasks such as dishes, cleaning, etc.

 I have Easter off, but I'm spending it with family for a holiday, so it doesn't really count. I did, however, specifically ask for Cinco off.  Other folks will be celebrating it proper over the weekend, but it was the best I could do.

 I'm cranky, have a headache, my fingers are very puffy & sore/prickly-numb for whatever reason, and am still very upset about last night's hideous discovery. And now I must get ready... Blat, get this day over with!

 Cheers & All

 I'd say "in like a lion, out like a lamb." I was still dealing with back injury pain, and that sucked!

 On the upside, I could also say I "started with music and ended with music."  On the 2nd  I discovered Evaline, yesterday I discovered Mylene Farmer & Jean-Louis Murat. Horray for discovering new music to enjoy! What else happened? Huh. Lessee.

 I  bumbled across four new-to-me bloggers that I really enjoy following, now. One of them brought back a lot of really great memories about where I used to live-- and that's always good.
 Hmm. I was depressed for some of the month, as I had Women's Issues with hormones.
 I bought A LOT of cookbooks, but haven't cooked or baked much. 
 I went to Schaar's Bluff frequently. 
 I met that lovely man from Cromwell, who gave me the fish 'n' chips recipe. 
 I met my one-year goal of not smoking,
 I had a lot of bizarre, sometimes disturbing dreams.
 First time I talked to my mom since she left for FL.
 My friends got laid off, and that sucks, Big Time.
 Was introduced to one of my elder great-uncles for the first time.
 Made plans to save to travel with J. to visit her home town in Oxford, England, next year. 
 Was seriously peeved that I was unable to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. That won't happen again.
 Was greatly saddened by the death of Natasha Richardson.
 Talked my way out of a driving ticket-- and used my name to do it.
 Misplaced and found my camera. Yes, it's a big deal!
 Heard from an ex-friend who will remain an ex-friend.
 Discovered new beers from Belgium.
 Thought that I was sick, but most likely wasn't.
 Thought about my brother a lot.
 My Good Auntie & Uncle still want something to do with me, yay!
 Cursed living in MN a lot.
 Kept my house over 58* for under $200. 
 Watched some very interesting movies.
 Got tips on how to re-orient myself so that I can travel a good Life Path, from an unexpected source.
 

 When I look back on it, though, I realize one more thing: this is the first time in my journaling history that I've posted something, every single day. Whoo whoo!

 OK, it's raining (hah! I was saying yesterday that it didn't feel like snow, that it felt like rain-- thank you, bones & joints), and going to Schaar's Bluff may not be the best idea. I need to drive somewhere, though. Hrmm. I'm hungry. I need to get gas, too. Err, just not from what I eat. Haw! 
 I'm going to hit the road.

 Cheers & All

 
 

 

*snorts uncontrollably in laughter*

Oh, only the last 27 years of my life or so. The first nine were OK.

Yawn. I am tired. This was the third day of  "mild flurries."

What I want to know is: damn, why does Peru get all the shit? Earthquales, Ill Niño, etc. Sheesh. Then there's Mount Redoubt, getting all uppity & projectile vomiting on everything. The flooding in Fargo is an echo of what happened a little over ten years ago. Rotten shit is happening all over, and I don't know whether I want to learn any more or not. The conspiracy theorist in me has already gone mad 1,000 times over.

Balrgh. I'm going to make pasta or pizza or something. Hunger strikes.

 Cheers & All