"Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?" ::dude speeds away in snobby car::

Oy, I'm plenty alive, I just dinna have enough time to make it short & sweet.
Hmm. Considering that I Tweet & FB, that's a statement. Maybe. Or not.

Good Thanksgiving after, all, not a bad work shift, and a good post-work drinkie or two w/coworkers.

Now. If I can just convince my eyelids that 4am is not ungodly... Yeah, right (sound fx of stumbling, lurching & general mayhem ensue). Shit, what a long day, coming up, bleah!
:-(


Well, I best get cracking at that whole four hours of sleep bit...


Cheers

 Oh yes.

 Yesterday, the car wouldn't start. Apparently the battery was corroded beyond all recognition (being located in the wheel well in the state of MinneSnowTa, gee-- I just can't see how this might happen), and the mechanic had no idea how it had managed to start for this long.

 I also have an exhaust leak by the converter-- so if anybody wants to ride with me & try to get suffocated, go for it.

 Today I am going to try to find out if the sawy bars are going again, or if it's something more serious. I also should get my windows fixed, have the blower for the heater fixed, and find out why the bastard if shifting so hard. *sigh* I might be looking at a new car. Or worse, riding the bus. Fuck me!

 Also, I got written up at work yesterday, and I feel absolutely betrayed.

 P.S. It's raining, and more of my ceiling is threatening to soften. I broke one of my storm windows by accident, and I already have a huge amount of condensation forming in my spare bedroom. I also seem to have some rather dire issues with the caulking in my bathtub... I expect that any day now, the floor will just give way & I'll be buck nekked & trying to figure out how to climb out of a hole. I give up, I hate this fucking place.

 Cheers & Whatever

 I'm irritated and I don't have PMS.

 The exhibit of the Louvre pieces was wonderful, and I look forwrd to returning.

 I hope today goes fast... I am nowhere near awake. Curse this evil shift!

Cheers

 Retail= earlier-than-possibly-imaginable holidays.

 We get prizes for dressing up. I love my staff;they're actually thinking past the whole "it's mandatory that you dress up for opening weekend!" bit. Mandatory that you dress up... I bet a few ethnic/religious entities might have a word or two about that. Hmmm.

 Anyway. I'm going to go put on my Devil' s Advocate costume.Buy me. Buy me now.

Oh wait, that was the prostitute costume. Beg pardon.

Cheers & All, I'm also off to demand SBX from my nearest barista...

 Something is waiting to happen...  heck if I know what.

 My plan for the day, as I miraculously & unexpectedly got today (Sunday) off from job #2:  I am going to walk around, then sit on my duff, at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts for the better portion of the day-- if not all day (I may break for lunch somewhere, or bring my cooler of goodies, who knows).
  I am nearly positive that I have not seen the entirety of the museum. This is despite the fact that I've lived in MN basically all of my life, and the last 6 years completely within accessible/acceptable driving distance. Harrump! 

 ( The Winding Road )

 I spent four hours at bar with folks I normally don't hang out with, just because we rarely see each other outside of work-- and that's rare enough, as it is. What a merry time! They were talking about premonitions, dreams, etc., and for once I didn't feel like a freak. People tell me to nevermind the reactions I get... but, well. I take things hard, and people are not necessarily polite. 

 The woman behind us had an appalling case of noxious gas; I was trying to figure out if I had sneaky farts, but I was fairly certain that I did not. Nevertheless, I was confused. In polite company, I'd rather run away (or at least excuse myself if I know one's coming). hmm. No noise, Who Can it Be Now? It was amusing, and also fairly stinkified.

And now... I am damned tired-- and it's a good thing.

I feel human again.

And while I'm thinking about it... I just thought I'd point out to myself that I still look for Harvey's car, when I go to work.

Then I remember that he's gone and I hang my head.

I miss Harvey. I feel him in his happiest space, and it's good... but it doesn't take away from the fact that he's no longer physically present.

Or that I haven't finished crying. Oh, Harvey... I miss you.

 Corporate is sending troops from other stores to cover our store-- over 3/4 of our staff is going to Harvey's funeral, counting the folks who work nights. All but a handful of our morning staff is attending-- this is not particularily useful if none of the remaining employees are cashiers-- on a sale day.

 Thank you, Corporate. You will be there when we need you the most.

This has been a very, very rough ride.

And my bloody hand still won't work right. Bah.

However, I'm about to have a lovely breakfast, so hopefully that will boost things in the right direction.

I will also be able to catch the last few hours of the festival at St. George's Greek Orthodox Church. If you live near St. Paul & like Greek food & festivities, this is not to be missed. Location is: 1111 Summit Ave., St. Paul. Hours are from 11-6 today.

Also, Happy 1st weekend of Renaissance Festival, for those of you attending! I will not be able to attend until the last Sunday, more's the pity. Have a couple of horns of mead for me!

Cheers & All

 This one thing, I know: the rains that are falling now are autumnal rains. They are early, and the light is still weird.

 On a good note, Harvey will finally have services on Monday... apparently Fort Snelling takes a blast of dynamite to move it along , in preparation for Veteran burial services. Harvey was a Vietnam Marine vet, in the worst of the worst... his platoon lost most of its men. He didn't talk about it much.

I am having pizza, a handful of carrots, cherry tomatoes & pizza for dinner. I am nigh exhausted & can't be bothered to do much else.  I might just watch David Tennant arch his brow in the Dr. Who style, for an hour or so...  but now I am off...

Cheers & All

 Harvey is off to his next grand adventure.

 Peace be with you, dear one.

 Harvey is steadily slipping.

His dear family was gracious enough to allow me to stay and make what I feel will be my last "Hello," while the room was nigh at full capacity... Harvey was not really "with it," as he was on a very heavy-duty dose of morphine, and was more or less bogged down. He wasn't sitting up or very lucid, as far as I could tell. He was drifting, and fighting so very hard to stay.... So I sat and held his hand and just thought at him, for a while. maybe it was just wishful thinking, but I think he tried to squeeze my hand back. He's just too weak.

The stress of dealing with a crew that is stricken with various grieving processes is huge... and I work hard to be as positive as I can... but I am hurting, too. I continue to feel him slip... and sometimes I wonder if I've gone crazy nuts, because the connection is so strong.
 There is a constant buzzing, now, and my throat is going tight, despite having no mamma on (they all collect various energy, believe you me!)... and only three people are connected to me that way, at the moment. As far as I know, two of the three are fine.

 Oh, Harvey... Would that I could will some of your deepest pain away. It is OK to be off on your next adventure. I don't believe in "a better place." That is not my spiritual path. Instead I will say, "I hope I will recognize you again, some day."

 

 Have this feeling I'm not going to be going to see Harvey tomorrow, and I don't know why. Makes me slightly nervous, I hate it when I do that.

Stood outside and watched five meteors blaze a fine trail to their deaths. Such a short time dancing dizzy, above our Earth.

 I'll be going to see Harvey tomorrow morning, along with a couple of co-workers. Screw the "no outside-of-work contact" bit.

 I feel like I'm in the middle of an odd déja-vu, but I'm just as certain that I'm not.

  He "feels" at peace, or at least is highly medicated enough not to feel much. He might just be OK with the fact that he fought hard, but there isn't much he can do after endless chemo & radiation, since the cancer has spread & is causing organs to shut down. 

 Fuck if I want to feel anything, but he's a good man... and I will miss him & his terribly dry, wonderful sense of humor. Oh, Harvey. Everything & everyone dies, but we're never really prepared for it. Thank you for being kind, sweetheart. May you go swiftly, gently, peacefully....
 

There are times that if you don't laugh, you cry so hard that you can't breathe.

Fuck-a-doodle-doo, I hate cancer, the filthy bastard of a disease.

Harvey may have reached the point where there's no coming back... I am so very-- stricken. I love this man, in a non-sexual manner. He is genuinely kind. He cared about me, supported me, when my own times were tough (remember the post of when I had to go to hospital the first time?)... and now I feel that I have so very little to offer in return.

I have a terrible, terrible fear of hospitals in general. So powerful, the fear is more like a phobia. I tried to go... I just sat & shook, in my car.
I can get over it. I must. I will NOT let him go without a fight for sparing him some pain, at least. Morphine is a motherfucker, and he will be less and less lucid.

I can do that much. I can. I will. Oh, Harvey. I'm so sorry.

Oh, Harvey...

 Please do not say goodbye before I have a chance to say "Hello."
Visiting hours are until 8:30... I don't get off work until 6:30 tomorrow, and it is 1/2 hour drive. I will simply drive faster. Safe, but fast.

I fucking hate cancer.