I just had the best store-bought potato salad ever. A little brand called "Grandpa's." Mmmm.

 And now, after letting out a most insistent Weasel, I am going to go for a drive. Sure, I can't drive in the dark for shit, but it's 3:30am, who's going to be on the road in this town, besides the possums & deer? It smells SO FRESH, out by where I am. I swear, it smells better than when I lived Up Yonder, and that was bonafide country air. Maybe it's the whole "Yay, there's no odor of cow/chicken/pig poop!" effect.
 This sweet-smelling suburban scent that seems particular to my 'hood-- I am so in love with it. It will be a terrible day when the developers take it away...

 Off to drive..

 Don't you just hate it when you only mean to take a wee nap-- and end up konking out a good one, instead?

 I DO feel super-refreshed, at least. Yay!  I went down for the count around 6pm... Geez, I was a hurting unit, huh?

 Oy. I was so exhausted from work... The whole close-open thing has always made me crabby, but the fact that I had to deal with the additional stress of having no !@# working computer systems for the 3rd day in a row really had become a bit draining. 
 I can feel the irritation &... hmmm, little pricks of feelings that sort-of drift through my crew... it's tough to juggle so many emotional responses on a day that I am barely functioning myself. And then! I needed to deal with a very, very emotionally needy person, who I had absolutely no patience for. Gah!  This is what I am fairly good at, 98% of the time. My interpretations might be a bit off, but... well, there it is.

 Oh, please, let the system be fixed soon. I am not eager to deal with this for a full week. Bah.

I guess I should attempt be productive. In a couple of hours the birds will start talking to each other (I compare them to the old geezers at local greasy spoons).

 Damn, now I'm hungry, too. *sigh* OK, so my day is going to be off. Oh Well. I'll make the best of it. 
 And I'm totally going to ignore that Weasel is glaring at me, as I have disturbed HIS nap. Feel the retribution, you doofus dog!

 Cheers & All

 Eventually I will sleep & be rested. Tonite, as I blink against the darkness, I will think of England. It's really too bad I can't afford to live there. It hums merrily in my bones.

 My grandparent's family, on one side, was from Hemsworth, England. A mining town, back in a day. Good common folk. My grandpa swore that we're also related to a Russian princess, but I'm fairly certain that he was full of shit. 
 One side is from Bonnie Ol' Ireland. Even though the ending last name is more Czech than anything else. 
 Then there were the insane Germans, who couldn't  manage to stay in France or Russia, and sort-of squidged around a bit. Cos has that story. Then there were more Germans. No wonder I like coughing up hairballs to say a simple word, so much.

 But what about August Ambrose's family? Who were his kin? In the old pictors, he looks a little Croatian. Or Polish. Hellfire, maybe even Jewish. It's hard to tell. I probably would have been told about that, though. I hope.
 Not that it really matters, in the end. In the end, I'm an American. I fit  many stereotypes. I get culture shock when I walk down the streets of downtown Minneapolis.

 Even though I may not be a gem in your eyes, I am your sister by heritage. We may even share the same blood type.

 And now I am going to go to bed, and I am going to quit thinking about how tall my philosophy box should be.

 I am going to blink against the darkness, and in my mind I will travel to the upper left. Perhaps the somewhere-in-the-middle.

Cheers & All

*crash, bash, thud, whomp, scritchity-scritchity, scree, toink, thud, gurgle, sizzle, kachung, toing, thump-thump* There are the distinct sounds of morning going on, today. Me trying to maneuver through my room (which I started to clean, hence a disaster), Weasel burning rubber in his attempt to get out of my way (why do they always sit at your foot, then look at you accusingly if you tromp on their tail by accident?), Weasel pawing at the door to be let back in, getting the coffee maker going (I am too lazy for French press today), making breakfast, doing laundry, it goes on. There may have been about a gazillion yawns and "Arrrgh!" noises in there, too.

Oh Lawd, it's morning, and I'm not 100% sure that I've actually slept, yet. I think I nodded off at a couple of points, but I feel like I haven't had a wink of sleep. Ugh.

I'm having eggs & smoked salmon on toast, with cheese & aleppo pepper on top, for breakfast. At this rate, I might have to add some cayenne to my coffee.

 Today is probably not going to be not much more than a sideways glance. I just don't have the gumption.

 Time to get ready.

Damn, it's going to be one of those nights that I stare at the darkness & blink a lot. Not my favorite, since I open tomorrow.

How bizarre, but not really... A. finally has settled into a good friendship with Jason, and it's a very excellent thing. A. was my brother's best friend and vice versa-- losing Rafe was something beyond agony. I didn't think that A. was going to recover, every now and then. He's one of the most fiercely protective, very selective-of-friendships people that I have ever met. 
 Jason wanted to learn a bit more about my brother, as Rafe always comes up in conversation-- not in a "you'll never compare to this guy" way, but because that's just who my brother was, a Doofus McGee living life as if he was on his last shot of whiskey-- so A. & M. played the tape that was made so very long ago, when Rafe and I shared a home & some nice acreage. The tape is of A., M., me, Boo, and a couple other friends running a makeshift course & jumping the cars. Yes, I am too a Redneck. Haven't I already told you this? A. & Rafe used to buy junk cars, fix them up to run, then run them into the ground, more or less. Tremendously cheap & entertaining fun. 
 Jason was watching the video, and there's Boo, making the first (and only) run with his little sports car. As the car cauught a shocking amount of air & crashed into a crowd-pleasing heap of smashed pretty-much-everything (hey, the door chime still worked, even though the seat came loose), Jason was exclaiming "Dude, that was my car!" Indeed, it turns out that it was Jason's car. They all didn't know each other then, though.

 My first thought about Jason, when I first got to knowing him (other than that he was very pleasingly tall & just plain sexy & smart & kind) was that he reminded me a lot of my brother, in some ways. Turns out that they are/were Pieces people; I really like fish folk. Generally, some of the things I like most about them is that they are crass & dry-witted enough to make me cackle myself silly. Pieces folk are also amazingly loyal.

 So, Jason is a step closer to realizing that he has no shoes to fill... just to wear his own & realize that he will most likely have A. as a friend for the rest of his life, if he wants it.

 Hmmm. There's got to be a way to shut up my brain. Augh. I'm busy being a philosopher/conspiracy theorist & solving some problems, in the process, but there's just too much, lately. 

 Perhaps I will just blink in the darkness and pretend that what I see are fireflies, guiding me to the quiet. *sigh*  As April 2nd looms nearer, I think of  my brother more.

 Cheers & All

 Today I felt that I'm in the process of finally getting my silver lining back.

 Since last September, especially, it has felt as though I have no natural luck. Run out, run down, done gone. It was a running personal joke.  I've tried to explain the phenomenon to people two ways: a wealthy person suddenly discovers that they're broke (with no skills), or-- instead of being born with a silver spoon up me arse, it was more like being born under a silver lining-- only the lining had been "scraped off." 

But at the moment, I nearly fell asleep at my keyboard. Ooops. Time for bed.

Cheers & All

 I hate my keyboard, but I loves my new 'puter. Whirrrrr. Raineth is triumphant!

I totally kick ass (you see that shoe flying, I kick it so hard?), and I refuse to have any more computer fear. Nah, nanner boo boo.

On that note, I need to go to bed. I am elated to discover that even I can figure out where various wires and such go. And thank goodness I kept my copy of the Comcrap start-up kit from a year ago. I kinda forgot about needing that part to get internets. *delicate cough*

Ooooh, my widescreen monitor. Ooooh. 

OK, going to bed now.

I have faith in the Universe again!

  Has it really been 119 days, 9 hours and as minutes?

  Considering the number of times I've wanted to march right in to my nearest SuperAmerica and buy a pack... I guess probably so. Not that long ago, as I stood in line to pay for a snack, all I could think about was that if I bought a pack, could I manage to just hold or gum one, without lighting it? *sigh* 

 With the mounting stress of having my mom live with me... some days it's all I can do to not to revert to some bad habits. This is the longest stretch of time we've managed to live together since I left home (and didn't look back) at age 17. Fuck me, I hate it, some days. 

 OK, I'm done for the moment. i'm having some sort of-- what could I call it? I dunno, phantom tooth issues, or something. The socket tissue is supposedly healing "just like it's supposed to," but that doesn't mean shit. I am still severely emotionally traumatized by this... it's rather pathetic, in a way. Anyway. I'm off to bed. The other job awaits, tomorrow.

 Cheers & All

  I just love it when I actually get it when a man hits on me. I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer when it comes to recognizing The Signs. Heck, I know for a fact that I've missed really obvious Signs, like "Can I have your number?" to which I've replied "No," simply because I don't particularly like talking on the phone. *sigh* Some days, I think it's a good thing that I'm not planning on contributing to the gene pool. Anyway. Today I got it! I was so proud of myself. I even managed to quit being proud long enough to pay attention to the rest of what the man was saying. He was very sweet. Not my type (my type happens to be very inaccessible), but very sweet.

  After being out of the game for a long while, and having no particular interest in getting back in it besides perhaps someday engaging in what some would consider socially & morally corrupt behavior, it's good to hear nice things that I know to be true about me. *smiles breezily* Although, every now & then I feel a little bad. I have no intention of ever letting a man hold sway over me ever again, and that means I will push people away, rudely & hurtfully, if necessary-- some good intentions go to shit, and I'm only 35; maybe when I'm 50 I'll fall straight on my ass in love with somebody-- and that leaves a lot of guys out. I have a bad habit of turning a sub-zero shoulder on people who anger, annoy or scare me. Cool, huh? *scowl* Anyhoo. I have absolutely no idea what I'm typing. I am exhausted, and I'm only awake because the brain gerbils left all the lights on. Fricking rodents.

 I guess I could re-evaluate the old saying of accepting "Mr. Right Now." I don't want to buy stock in Trojan, I just would someday like someone to be mutually exclusive and separate with. Can such a relationship exist in a healthy fashion, or do I need a serious kick to the head? Who knows. Some head shrinker knows. My former psychology prof knows. I don't know shee-it. Except....

 Where O' Where is Julio when I need him? *snicker* 



 Cheers & All
 

 All is still present on the Raineth front. For a minute there, I thought that all of the running around that I do at my new job may have actually caused me to lose a few pounds of my bosom-- but alas, more of the ass I cannot afford to lose (lest my trousers become yowsers) waved a fond farewell. 

 Stupid genetics. I drag along who knows how many pounds of useless flesh and all I get is signs of gravitational pull, something that resembles a cow udder & a neck that looks like I have osteoporosis, due to the enormous amount of weight I schlep around (oh yes, we heart bad posture & spinal anomalies due to big boobs). If a mammaplasty was a reasonable option (and it's not, for several reasons), I would be under a doc's scalpel in under a second. *sigh* If I could give my boobs away, I would. I must, I must, I must decrease my bust.

 Anyway... Besides my aesthetic issues, I am well. I have been extraordinarily busy & mildly stressed, but all is well. I think. I'm not sure I really know.  I'm up, I'm at work, I'm home, I go to bed. That's been the it of it. Well, except for me watching the blessed uploads of a-ha's 5/28/08 Royal Albert Hall performance. Holy crap. Thank you, YouBoob people. You have no idea how much I wanted to be there. This way, I can sort-of pretend I was there. Or at least smile happily because I've been able to hear a few songs from the group's upcoming album (next year?). Ahhhhhhh.

 I may seriously not be getting my money's worth from Netflix, but I'm giving YouBoob a run for it's money. 

 Cheers & All

 I can't remember what I last whined about, but it probably had something to do with the evil that is my water heater-- and the incompetent fools who diddled with it.

 I suppose that I should briefly update that my water heater now works, no thanks to three doorknobs from Hell. Doorknob #1 charged me $100 to replace a $12 part. Doorknob #2 charges me $65 & claims that the whole affair was caused by something going on with the interior of the unit itself; it's supposedly not venting properly, and I need a new water heater. Doorknob #3 charges me $65 to let me know that entire problem was caused by doorknob #1, and that doorknob #2 was "completely wrong"-- but didn't have the correct part to fix the issue properly. Instead, the part was more or less jiggled/jaggled/jeeried to work correctly. 

There are days that I seriously hate being a woman. I am going to bellow this from the roof of my blog: Men who have occupations in traditional male jobs, such as auto mechanics, plumbers, fix-it folks: When you treat us like we're stupid & then rip us off, all you do is make us wish for certain parts of you to fall off. And after your hair falls out, we wish for other Unpleasant Things to happen to occur. You reaffirm the old stereotype that a woman can't trust any man to be completely honest when it comes to repairs and knowledge. We can be very annoying and can drive you crazy with our rudeness, lack of knowledge and whatever else that recently offended you. Unless we're really being a shit, please don't retaliate by ripping us off & telling falsehoods. We want to think good things about you & your company. 


Blah blah blah. Well, I guess that was my dramatc moment. I'm so tired, I can barely see straight. Damn, defeated before midnight. I am a sad, sad sack.

Cheers & All

 I feel as if I've been tossed into a strange movie; and instead of truly profound or at least super chic lines all I received was instructions for ad lib, and I can't think of anything remotely interesting to say or do.

 Urk. One more day of work before I get a day off... Good grief. I feel like I don't have a clue where I am, half the time. That could be considered really bad if one considers the fact that I'm at work 9 out of 24 hours. I am getting ready for work for two hours (be quiet! I make & eat breakfast-- none of those crappy bars or cold cereal for me--take the dog out, etc. Plus nowadays I have to heat water for 40 minutes so that I can take a bath), and it takes me two hours to wind down to be able to even contemplate going to bed. I then sleep for 6-6 1/2 hours. Hmmm. That leaves a bit of a time gap in there. Huh. So where the Sam Hill are those "spare" hours? It doesn't feel like I have any. 

Fooey. I'm tired, and i can fel it pulling at my eyelids. YAWN.

OK, I'm going to go to bed now. Before midnite. Stop the presses!

Cheers & All
 

Oh crap.

Don't you just hate it when you're supposed to pick someone up & suddenly you realize that there is more than one location to pick them up at? Don't you just hate it when either location may just as likely to bear fruit as the other, but you can't call to find out because for you, "business hours" means "hours that I'm not available to do business" ? Don't you just hate it even more when there's no way of getting a hold of that person until it's too late, and that the likelihood of them calling you is very slim?

Yeah, me too.

Hang in there, mom. I'll find you, I promise. 

Crappio. 

  Suck.

  I slept for schitt last night. I know I was tossing & turning a lot. There must have been something else going on-- maybe a nightmare-- since Weasel hopped up onto my bed to snuggle up to me. This is huge, as it's a big no-no for him to be on the bed, and he knows it. In the year we've been here, he's only been on the bed once to test the waters. So. It's not that he had to pee; he would have been doing his ultra-annoying whimper-whine-bark for that. *sigh* My hero rescuer dog, and I've got no clue what he saved me from.

 Work went agonizingly slow, and I was so very tired. It's barely 8:30, and I'm so tired... I don't know if I can manage to stay awake much longer. I am burned out.

 You know what I want? I want an iPod (yes, I'm one of the few people on Earth who doesn't own one) and that docking thingy that lets you hook up your iPod to charge it & so you can wake up to music. That would be the greatest thing ever. I hate my current alarm clock. It's the equivalent of a cattle prod. I can't remember the last time that I used it & woke up without scowling. Ughhh. 
 Actually, my cousin's wife has the perfect wake-up tone for me-- it's her phone's alarm clock. It's wonderful. I actually enjoyed waking up to it, when she stayed here last & set her phone to wake her up in the a.m. I wish I knew what it was. 

 Blah blah blah. I can't stay awake anymore. This sucks. I have about a gazillion things to do, and I'm not going to be able to get them done. This is why one really doesn't want to be a night owl if they can help it; things like 10-11pm grocery shopping and midnight runs to other stores on errentry is just not doable if you break down before nine. Oh well, I'll probably wake up at 3 or 4, so....

Tally Ho, let's give my weary ass a rest.

 Cheers & All