You were older then
Older than what my eyes could ever see
I only knew to embrace
Cannot hold you any more

Ugh, not at my best. Had some sort of reaction from food or environment yesterday, and theeffects have lasted through this morning. This is becoming a chore.

I am running out of steam! So tired all day, every day. No end to pain all day, every day. I think my body is beginning to do the equivalent of sagging desperately; I suppose if it thinks it can not work, I'll have no choice but to take a break & take care of it.

Alas, I will simply push until there is no more to push.

I have been having strong thoughts about my brother, the past few days. I imagine I should take a clue and sit down to talk with him... crazy nuts or not. It is terrible to still feel the empty space, so long after he's been gone.

 The rivets in your spine keep your back straight
Give you a headache
Chewing gum and baling wire
or was that barbed wire

You ached too long and I kicked
The rage rising in front of it
When did you decide you never knew
Put away like Christmas

Shone so bright
Didn't matter
Couldn't keep them safe
What was my purpose, then?

If not to watch over them
Like beings long lost and no longer fancied
Walking among the others, terrified
To forget who I was
And yearning to do more than I remembered

April 20th 2009 8:52 am


Resonance
reflection of light
and
oh she was broken, wasn't she?
that glass heart and writings as if she was still only 16
didn't make her any less want
didn't make her any less want

could have scraped herself raw on that sand
tarnished inside like metal
can it be polished?
forgotten, too late
and she's got breakable bone
oh she's broken, isn't she?
spills and falls and still holds her hands up
just like she was young

older, and aren't you any smarter, girl?
you walk to that water, now
and put yourself in
tie, tie tighter
dressed nice so they won't have to bother

pinch your cheeks for colour
for feeling
yes you are still here and
you never thought you would be

everyone left you
except the one who hurts you
and you can't forget
you can't go back
you can't have them back
no one left to carry the memories except you
and your back is weak

echo the music and it takes you somewhere else
where you don't have to claw
no, don't show your bitter teeth
clever girl, hide it now

and they will love you for who you never were






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