Searching for the Silver Lining

Lines from movies said it best

2009-11-28T15:06:26Z

"Put that in your book!"

I fart in the general direction of this day.

Grey Pooped Upon

2009-11-27T05:57:18Z

"Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?" ::dude speeds away in snobby car::

Oy, I'm plenty alive, I just dinna have enough time to make it short & sweet.
Hmm. Considering that I Tweet & FB, that's a statement. Maybe. Or not.

Good Thanksgiving after, all, not a bad work shift, and a good post-work drinkie or two w/coworkers.

Now. If I can just convince my eyelids that 4am is not ungodly... Yeah, right (sound fx of stumbling, lurching & general mayhem ensue). Shit, what a long day, coming up, bleah!
:-(

Well, I best get cracking at that whole four hours of sleep bit...

Cheers

Ink

2009-11-24T02:01:46Z

Huzzah for Indie films! Holy Shit Awesomeness, that's what this was. Yet again my uncanny Netflix luck directed me to something I needed to see.
Forgive the first 15" --I almost didn't make it, myself. However, I simply told myself that the opening lines of any film being "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!" had to be worth a few more minutes of my time. And it was.
I loved the soundtrack (I bought it via Amazon.com) & the lighting.

I think I might need this film in my collection!
Watch the trailer:

Still don't have my home anywhere near "Mom Ready," but I'm declaring a Raineth Emergency of "Fuck It."

Cheers & All

On Cleaning So Much it's Exhausting

2009-11-23T18:13:47Z

I would like to be able to pretend that I don't have company coming.

Even if it doesn't work very well.

I need a drink.

Nicholas

2009-11-23T01:37:08Z

Had profound dreams about my brother, last night.

I woke up and was mostly functional (surprising), but was obsessed with finding my St. Nicholas necklace; it was not in the last place I put it. Found the necklace, went to go to work-- and a big-assed raptor was sitting on a branch of my olive tree:

So I cried & my mascara ran. When I regained a portion of my functioning brain, I ran back inside to get my camera, took a picture, gave thanks to my brother for being here when I needed him most-- and the hawk flew away.

I miss him, and I hate this time of the year without him.

but at the moment, I am blitzed on vodka/gin/cranberry ginger ale, and the thoughts in my head might even make their way out. Dammit, I just caught myself misspelling :their." Shit, I really must be drunk...

I'm going to go rejoice in the fact that I bought three new pairs of shoes today (not fancy ones, practical ones for work), and I have a fucking day OFF tomorrow! YES!!!!

Cheers & All

Pee Ess Errm, does anyone know what species of raptor this is? Red hawk?

Raineth Triumphant

2009-11-22T05:42:30Z

I roasted another turkey. I reign triumphant. Well, as long as no critters have jumped it, whilst it has been cooling outside!

I have been hella crabby, the past week. No, it's not anywhere near that particular time of the month... it's all just bass ackwards, and I am exhausted. Stupid life, figure yourself out!

Saw "New Moon" and liked it, despite the Limburger Factor.

Dreams with my brother, so often. He never says anything, and it upsets me.

Going to rescue the turkey & go to bed.

Thoughts to Wake Up to

2009-11-20T11:15:47Z

You were older then
Older than what my eyes could ever see
I only knew to embrace
Cannot hold you any more

Ugh, not at my best. Had some sort of reaction from food or environment yesterday, and theeffects have lasted through this morning. This is becoming a chore.

I am running out of steam! So tired all day, every day. No end to pain all day, every day. I think my body is beginning to do the equivalent of sagging desperately; I suppose if it thinks it can not work, I'll have no choice but to take a break & take care of it.

Alas, I will simply push until there is no more to push.

I have been having strong thoughts about my brother, the past few days. I imagine I should take a clue and sit down to talk with him... crazy nuts or not. It is terrible to still feel the empty space, so long after he's been gone.

On Feeling the Blues

2009-11-18T05:53:38Z

I'm going to eat pizza, listen to the blues, maybe watch a movie and pretend that nothing else matters.

Not a good day today, and that's not just me bellyaching. Hellfire & Damnation, Friday the 13th has caught up to me fully, at last. *le sigh*

Pffft.

On Interjecting German

2009-11-16T17:26:20Z

Hmmm, meh, bleah, yargh, blargh.

I think I am whatever the German phrase is for " feeling sad & mostly like shit."

Because the German version is bound to be much more entertaining.

Work is soon... and I would much rather be sleeping.

Lasting Impressions

2009-11-14T14:22:36Z

As an afterthought that's not entirely as grim as my dreams:

Southern Brit is going back to England today. *sad sniff*

Modern technology helps to ease the discomfort a bit.... but it doesn't really smart any less. I'm going to miss the fact that he was slightly closer while living in the States. *rubs ears thoughtfully* I knew he was going back home when he first mentioned taking his long-arsed trip of the States, but... Well. There it is.

I am such a whiny-assed wiener! He will be much more at ease when he goes back home... and he has so many tales to tell... His mates are most likely ecstatic to be "getting" him back. Hell's Bells, I would be!
What a charming, ridiculous, genuinely likeable man to have met! Perhaps in another lifetime or so he'll be my brother or a best friend.

Blah, blah, blah.

The Only Living Boy in New York....

Depeche Mode Said it Best

2009-11-14T14:05:52Z

Strange. Fricking REALLY strange-ass dreams. Anybody want to interpret this one?

I will look it up later, since I frequently interpret dreams my own way, the Freudian way when it suits me, and various other ways...
I had a series of powerful, disturbing waking dreams, this morning.

The details are beginning to fade a bit... but I believe I have not had any type of murdering dream for as long as I can remember. I would have noted it for being unusual in subject matter.

In this dream, I was interchangeably the accomplice and the primary murderer of several men. They looked like military men (don't ask me what military men look like, OK?), and they were betrayers of some sort. My personal belief is that man has flaws, and some that are quite deep, as well as socially unacceptable. When man is judged to be a deserter, a betrayer, a killer, a raper of women & thief of possessions, I believe that there is always some good... but sometimes the good is so overwhelmed, it would take a lifetime to put to rights.

Anyway. I hurt all over, this morning... I killed one of these men with my hands. This is something I am quite sure there is a slim-to-none chance of doing this irl due to having absolutely no upper body strength.
In the dream, however, the body mechanics of the act were in slow motion, and I could feel various muscle fibers tense & relax in response to what I needed them to do, and how my feet needed to be placed for maximum effectiveness, and where my upper body had to twist carefully, so that I wouldn't hurt myself as well. Etc.

I felt absolutely no remorse for killing anyone in this dream; I watched with a strong sense of detachment as the perpetrator killed another person, the blood spattering my clothes & smelling like old copper pennies. The other killer put the bodies into the trunk of the late-70's Pontiac Bonneville that we were driving. At one point, we were trying to figure out how to cover our tracks better, and were discussing this in the house that used to belong to my grandparents (now being inhabited by the Evil Uncle).

Urk, it's time to start getting ready for the day-- meaning that I am hungry & desperately need coffee. In this case, this also means that I am still rather disturbed by the dream, and am going to step back from it, this time.

I need better dream material. Seriously!

Cheers & All

Unexpected Magic with Leftovers

2009-11-14T04:10:31Z

Holy crap, I am the goddess of turkey noodle soup. I want my soup to last forever. I was going to make curried turkey, but I ended up doing soup.

Alas, I couldn't even tell you what all I tossed into the pot, besides onion, celery, carrots, leftover turkey, cooked rotini, aleppo peper seasoning from Penzey's, Kosher salt, smashed garlic, a lot of pepper, epazote, a shake of ground chipotle, 2 bay leaves and... and... whatever it was that made it taste so damned good.

Made with lots of love & happiness. I can even see my kitchen. It IS in there, somewhere! Hallelujah, I can actually cook now.

And now... maybe I'll see about that curry.

Chers & All

Music for the Masses- Mark Owen

2009-11-10T16:19:25Z

Today's musical find via Southern Brit & Last.fm respectively is lovely music by British artist Mark Owen.

I have listened to "Falling Star," "Alone Without You" & "Pieces of Heaven" a few times already, and am quite enjoying his music.

Romantic ballads, alternative, pop. I think that the more I listen to his music, the more I like it. There is something terribly sad & hopeful about his music-- and it makes me happy.

Now-- I'm off for a drive.

Chers & All

Because Driving is Another Drug

2009-11-09T18:04:00Z

... And because food is my undeniable crutch, I went to Penzey's to buy Epazote (where you buy 4 one-ounce bags for the price of a four-ounc, and it's actually quite nice that way!), some whole chipotle chiles, and some ground chipotle chili powder, as well as some more Chile 3000 seasoning. I also scored my free wee container of poultry seasoning (which I actually haven't tried-- I've used McCormick's for years), and felt rather triumphant. Then I realized I was missing something... CAKE.

Yes, I've been hankering for cake. And I'm evil, awful, weird. I am very picky about my cake. I don't mean to be, but each time I spend good money eating crappy, nasty, no-good food, the less time & money I want to spend, period.
So I am happy to report that when I screeched to a stop 500 yards away from Cafe Latte (my apologies once again to the handsome brunette who gave me his fist-- I guess your manners are about as good as my driving, today) to buy a bowl of delicious Swedish sausage-potato soup ( a little salty, but that will be OK for most folks other than me) and a slice of lovely carrot cake. Once more, my faith in Cafe Latte is restored. I have had good food! I guess it's a hit & miss, rather like the Birchwood Cafe (my other favorite place to go).

And the bonus to all of this-- it is fricking unbelievably BEAUTIFUL outside. If you live in central MinneSnota, for Hannah's sake, get OUTSIDE today! You won't regret it.

Crap, and later remind me to tell you about Victor's on Grand-- I totally forgot to post about it.

OK- time for work. Cheers!

On Identifying Fear of Dying & Wondering About It

2009-11-09T15:47:38Z

Today's brain-warp, brought to you by disturbed dreams: we are made of water, music & earth metals. Our muscles and tendons are like roots & plant fibers, our plasma is a similar sap moving through our veins. Our blood=water.

There is no question of whether or not we shall respond to various calls. It is only how loudly nature must call to get us there, how well we are listening, and how long it takes for us to realize that being afraid may be very very good, very very bad, or somewhere in the middle.
We must all arrive at the end-- our earth metals long to return, after all-- but most of mankind seems to be programmed to fight to keep life, until there is no more fighting to be done.

What do we fear? Not having accomplished anything? Fear of failure? Fear of pain? Fear of leaving those we love behind?

Hmmm. My sleep was odd, and I am fairly certain I didn't stay on this plane... sometimes I believe that the people we've loved & lost never leave entirely... their soul remains. Or perhaps just a wee piece of their soul remains, sliding into the ether of a different plane; comfortable & safe. When we are in need... they may come.
Sometimes I don't believe that, either. I think that our brains are fricking amazing, and if our brains can summon the equivalent of hallucinogenic images, sounds, smells, etc. of comfort & hope-- in whatever form they need to be in, to help preserve life-- our brains will do it.

And now... I've sat around thinking for a damned hour & have nothing accomplished for the morning. Off I go.

Cheers

Being on the Journey When You Didn't Realize It

2009-11-09T05:57:49Z

Well, shit.

From the book "Deep Water Passage," by Ann Linnea: "Solitude offers the greatest opportunity for the fine-tuning of our souls."

I'm a fricking musician, after all.

Big Bird. No, really.

2009-11-08T04:16:23Z

So how long does it take a 22lb. turkey to thaw from frozen, in a fairly cool fridge? Hmmm.

Eventually, I'd like to cook it before Thanksgiving. I'm going out for Thanksgiving, this year (Lake Elmo Inn's brunch!). Somebody else can go through all of that work & cleanup for 2 people, thanks very much!

Hmmm. Hope it's thawed out by Wednesday, cuz that's about as long as I want to/can wait. I am going to make turkey soup, sammies, etc. Everything you get tired of, after eating so much for The Meal. Not me. This is the beginning of many delicious dishes that I am going to make, this month. Thirty-nine cents/lb., folks. That's a helluva lotta bird-- that's a helluva lot of cheap meals.
The bird is big enough to take a long while to make (for once, I actually need the size to compensate for time, so I can get it done while at work), plus provide me with a lot of meat, and a fabu carcass for soup base. Yummmms.

And now.. I'm falling asleep at my keyboard. No bad thing, because it's about that time anyway.

Cheers!

The Rampage Ensues

2009-11-07T14:10:36Z

Cannot manage to muster gumption to post every day, and I feel kinda sad about it.

Today, I feel like shit. I am sore form head to toe... did not sleep well, and am very aware of various stages of what I like to call "synaptic narcolepsy." Not functioning well.

So here is my UnPost: it's a conspiracy theory! What better way to experiment with potential bioweaponry than to put the shit in our food? What's the easiest way to distribute this? Fast food, and faster food. Hamburger. Pork. Chicken.

You have no idea, the conspiracies lurking in my brain... I'll have to type them up... just so I can annoy the shit out of everybody, if nothing else.

Cheers

Hmmm.

2009-11-06T04:43:26Z

It has always and ever been the wood, the stone, the brick, the water, the trees. Sometimes the soil whispers. There was never any real hope of getting away from it; I might as well have been in the dream where one is trying to run, and goes nowhere.

So perhaps I should just try listening, instead, and feel honored to be psychic-chotic. If I was Sylvia Brown, I'd be making money. As it is, I am making mischief. At least I'm good at it!

Nursery Rhyme

2009-11-04T11:27:29Z

There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza- a holein the bucket, dear Liza, a hole...

And that seems to be a repeat of my oogly brains. It's early, I'm mostly dead, but that doesn't stop me from wanting blueberry flapjacks & bacon for breakfast...

On it Being November Onest

2009-11-01T05:25:21Z

Oh crap, Jennifgrr-- your birthday is on Friday! I just remembered. Ooof. Short-term memory span. I will send you something. I hope!

However, I am glad to remember much of anything, some days. Stress has eaten my braaaiiin. Except for today; today was the last day of my lovely vacation (I was forced to go home on Wednesday, had a fabulous time with Superior Ronda on Thursday, yesterday mum came down to visit (we watched a ton of movies, including the long-drawn but well-done "Australia," with Hugh Jackman) and today I cooked. I cooked allllll day, and it was bloody magnificent! Chili, bread, squash, delidious pulled pork...

I also shoved my face into an Epic Fail cake. Mum and I were both envisioning something else & it didn't quite make the mark. I simply had no choice. It was my punishment for making such heinoustrocity! OK, not really I was laughing so hard before & aft that I nearly inhaled some through my nose!
Argh. I mean, I followed the recipe & everything, but it just wasn't... it wasn't chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting, nor was it peanut butter fudge. Which was what both of us were actually hungry for. Go figure.

And now...
I shall wish you a happy NoRemember, Folks.

My work day returneth. And don't forget to set your stupid clocks back.

Halloween!

2009-10-31T22:08:45Z

Good Samhain to All!

Today I have made: rootin' tootin' high-falutin' sunsabitchin' know-it-all chili, a loaf of egg bread from the bread machine, a lovely new drink made from: 2 parts cream limoncello, 1 part Citron & filled with cranberry ginger ale, served on the rocks or frozen; baked some acorn squash w/honey, and now I am off to roast a pork butt. I might even decide to make a pumpkin pie. Yummmms.

May all spirits & keepers of the quiet find their peace today.

Plagued

2009-10-28T05:37:31Z

Noooo. It's getting worse. It's creeping into my lungs. My nose is running, I still have a far-too-throaty voice with soreness, I ache all over, and I can't keep warm. Noooo.

"Well, why don't you get a vaccination or something?" Well, why don't you go get a shot of some shit that you're allergic to? Pblllthht.
I can't drink enough hot toddies for this. I feel like crap, and I need to get over it soon. Pfooey!

Music for the Masses- Celldweller/Lycia

2009-10-26T16:29:25Z

Today's finds via iTunes, are Celldweller and Lycia respectively.

Celldweller's music is a blend of industrial, electronica, and metal-whatever somebody wants to call it. You get blown out of the water with "One good Reason," off of the self-titled album, as the vocalist bellows at you in a rage, whereas the rest of the album doesn't tend to repeatedly smash a fist into your face (in comparison). It's a nice bow to Trent Reznor, but stands alone.

Lycia's albums "The Burning Circcle and Then Dust" and "Cold" remind me of the atmospheric "mood" created by the Cocteau Twins, The Church, Xymox, etc. -- and is also from the 90's. Like I said, it takes me a while to get to some music. *beams brightly*
The songwriting is quite good imho, and enjoyable all around. Good for backgound music whilst painting, sketching, writing, etc.

And that's that. I'm off to drink a non-booze toddy (damn!) and get ready for work. Oooh, we is a hurtin' unit. *sigh*

Cheers & All

Result

2009-10-26T15:28:44Z

Pursuit of Happyness: The credit card thing should be resolved sometime soon-- I'm sending in all of my supportive "I already paid this debt!" paperwork, today.

On the gray side, I am feeling shitty again. I wasn't feeling good Thursday, left job #2 early that day because of it, and ironically (as my coworkers were all happily exclaiming over how much better I looked), I feel bad again. *sigh* My throat is all scratchy & sore, my chest feels tight & breath is a foreign thing, and it I feels like I have a temp. Plus, I am so sore all over... :sobbing:: I am tired of this! Pfooey!

Is there some sort of recurrent flu? Allergies? Both? I look back & see I was feeling really shoddy earlier this month, too. Great. Sometimes it seems that I am seldom healthy. It is so damned sad! BAH.

Anyway... if I can just keep going... I have Thursday-Saturday off. Thursday will be spent with a friend... then mum is coming down, but at least I can just curl up & sleep.

Cheers & All